Buffy Who?
by Uncle Charlie
Summary: Time Lord meet Vampire Slayer. Let the games begin.


For those who aren't Doctor Who fans, in the second season of the New Who, Anthony Head, who played Giles on Buffy the Vampire Hunter, also played a Krillitane in "School Reunion." They were bent on taking over mankind and claiming the Earth as their own. In the end, they were destroyed by the Doctor, Rose, Sarah Jane, Mickey, and his very good tin dog, K-9.

Night time brought little relief to Southern California in the summer. The air hung still, dead calm, appropriately enough over the cemetery. Then there was a hum, a pulsing thrum, growing louder with each throb until a 20th century police box appeared quite suddenly.

The door opened and a dark head popped out. It looked around for a moment and then stepped free from the call box. He took a deep breath and slapped his hands together.

"Looks all clear. You can come out, Rose."

A young blonde woman peeked out, not quite ready to leave the safety of the TARDIS. "Doctor, where are we?"

"According to the TARDIS, this is California, late 1990's by the look of it."

"California? You mean, America? That's brilliant! I've always wanted to see America!" Rose Tyler stepped from the box and glanced around. "Um, Doctor, we're in the middle of a cemetery."

The Doctor scratched his neck. "Well, yeah, maybe not the most welcoming place…well, sort of, well, not welcoming it at all when you get down to it."

Abrupt, the silence was cut by the unmistakable sounds of a fight. Exchanging a glance, the two ran in that direction.

"You got a plan?" Rose asked as they dodged gravestones.

"I always have a plan. It's just some come a little faster than others…oh, hello, what have we here?"

Before them a group of men had encircled a young blonde girl. She spun, trying to keep each of them in view all the time. The men were snarling and growling.

"Doctor, you've got to help her!" Rose grabbed his arm, her voice dismayed.

"Right." But before he could move, the men rushed and both travelers could only watch as the girl quite ably fought off her aggressors. She punched, kicked and rolled with the punches. In fact, it looked as if she was enjoying herself.

"C'mon, boys, step right up," she shouted. "No waiting!"

Then there was a flash of white and black and a man appeared at her side. They exchanged the briefest of glances and, back to back, they faced the others.

"What are you doing here, Spike?"

"I was just passing by, Pet, and I thought, oh there's a right mess, think I'll grab me a bit." He fell into the fray taking blows that would drop a normal man with a laugh and a return punch. The man's accent was familiar to both the Doctor and Rose

"Who is that…is that Billy Idol?" Rose squinted in the darkness. The build, the clothing, and the hair were certainly right for it. "What would Billy Idol be doing in a Californian cemetery?"

"I dunno, let's go have a closer look." They took a step, then stopped. Rose's hand caught his as a length of wood appeared in the young woman's hand. She jabbed and her closest attacker abruptly vanished. Another jab and another man simply disintegrated.

"What is happening, Doctor?"

"I…I have no idea…" To see The Doctor dumbfounded was rare and they stood there as one by one, the girl's attackers merely vanished into nothingness. "What?"

Buffy Summers felt rather than saw the couple standing there at first. It didn't matter that they were watching her; she'd come up with a cover story easily enough. It wasn't like she'd not already had a lifetime's worth of lying. The man was tall and thin, with dark hair and penetrating eyes. They reminded her a bit of Dracula's. Stupid, stupid, Dracula. The girl, well, she was pretty enough, but Buffy didn't think much of her fashion sense.

"Thanks for the help, Spike" she said, brushing the vampire dust from her jacket. At least she hadn't torn it tonight.

"Not a bother, Pet, but I think we have spectators."

"Saw them, still working on a cover."

"Watch and learn, Slayer." Spike dropped a causal arm around Buffy's shoulders. "Oi, me and my bird were just looking for a nice quiet place for a snog. Right sodding world, inn't?"

"I have no idea what you just said," Buffy said, shrugging his arm off with a look of annoyance. She smiled and approached the couple. "I'm sorry."

Spike's casualness suddenly dropped and he stepped in front of Buffy. She bumped into his back and grabbed his arm. "Spike, what on earth?"

"Stay back, Buffy, I don't know what they are."

"I beg your pardon." The tall thin man protested and his companion split her attention between him and Buffy.

"What's wrong? They look okay." Of course that didn't mean anything in her world. Quietly, she asked, "Demons?"

Spike shook his head slowly. "They don't smell it. Well, not the chav, so much. She smells of chips."

"Hey, now you have gone too far… you, Billy Idol wannabe!" The blonde exploded and the man caught her, hold her still.

"Calm down, Rose. He doesn't know you as I do."

Spike took a step back and nodded to the man. "And that bloke's got two hearts."

A stake appeared in Buffy's hand and she began to approach warily. "You sure?"

"Hello, Vampire! Of course, I'm sure. I can hear 'em pounding away even from over 'er. And sacred to death that one is. I can smell it." He looked at Buffy, distracted by her proximity.

"A…vampire?" The Doctor was transfixed. He dashed to Spike and grabbed his arm.

Spike spun, game face fully place. Before the man could even react, Spike was at his throat, fangs just brushing the surface of his skin. "Think very carefully about what you do next, mate," the vampire advised, his voice a rumbled in the Doctor's ear.

"Well, you're definitely not human or Spike couldn't do that," Buffy said, coming up to them. "Let him go, Spike." She placed a hand upon his arm and squeezed gently.

Immediately, the Doctor was released and Spike, with a shake of his head, reverted back to his normal appearance.

"Okay, let's try this again." Buffy slid the stake into her belt. "Who are you?"

"Oh, hello. I'm the Doctor and this is my friend, Rose Tyler."

"What are you doing here?"

"Ah, well, just enjoying the night air?" The Doctor tried, but Buffy slowly shook her head. "No? Erm…me and my bird were just looking for a nice quiet place for a snog?"

"Drop it," Spike ordered. "I think we need to let Giles figure out this mess." He lit a cigarette and took a deep drag from it, not bothering to exhale.

"Doctor, where did the smoke go," Rose whispered, edging just a bit closer to him.

"Well, if we are to take him at his word, he's a vampire and they don't breath."

Spike blew the smoke out his nose. "Not as a rule, but I was never much for rules. You want me to finish up patrolling or escort this lot in."

"Oh… oh… oh," the man had starting clutching at his hair, spinning in a tight circle. "Of course, of course! Rose, don't you know who this is?"

"Left my crystal ball in my other outfit, I'm afraid."

"Rose Tyler, I have the pleasure of introducing to you a real live vampire slayer."

"A what?"

"How do you know that?" Buffy demanded. The stake was back out and Spike had tossed his cigarette aside, his attention suddenly totally focused.

"I'm right, though, aren't I?"

"Maybe." The stake dropped a few inches, but Buffy was still wary.

The Doctor cupped his forehead and laughed. "This is brilliant. I didn't think you existed."

"I'm still not convinced you do," she countered. "Two hearts?"

"That's what I'm hearing, luv." Spike finished his cigarette and tossed the butt away.

"Spike, that's littering."

"So, we have established that your name is Spike."

"Close enough."

"And you would be?"

"Buffy Summers."

"That's your real name?' Rose laughed and turned away. "That's not a name."

Buffy's face hardened and The Doctor pushed Rose behind him. "Rose, she is holding a piece of very pointy wood. Not the best time to make fun of her moniker."

"I didn't say nothing about her knickers."

The Doctor sighed and shook his head. "Two countries separated by a common language, eh?"

"I say let Giles sort them out," Spike said again and Buffy nodded.

"For once I agree with you, Spike."

"Then how about you and me…" He stopped at her glare and sighed. "Right. Should I just punch myself?"

Buffy's smile was involuntary and she shook her head. "Go get Giles. I'll keep these two here." There was a cocked eyebrow and Buffy sighed. "Yes, there is money involved."

In a blur of white and black, Spike was gone.

For a long moment, the three just stood and stared at each other. "So, this is, what, your job?" Rose asked after a moment.

Buffy hefted herself up onto a crypt and nodded. "Yeah. They call it a calling, but in the end, it's just a job…" As an afterthought, she added. "Without pay and medical benefits."

"Can't you stop?" Rose asked and then screamed as a vampire appeared behind Buffy.

Without breaking a sweat, she thrust the stake backwards into the vampire and he disintegrated in a 'poof' of dust. "Does that answer your question? It's a life or death thing. I'm a Slayer until I die. No choice, no opting out."

"How old are you?" The Doctor asked abruptly and Buffy shot him a withering look.

"Hey, that's personal." Buffy hopped down and looked around. Nothing caught any of her senses.

"You're so young for that sort burden." The Doctor's voice was soft with sorrow.

"It's not like I have an option, hence the calling aspect." There was movement and she froze, then recognized the shapes which approached. "Here we go. Now we'll get some answers."

The Doctor fell into his thoughts for a moment. She must had been just a bit older than he'd been when he'd declared his name and purpose to the Council of the Time Lords. How sad and lonely her life must be.

"You okay?" A soft hand slid into his and he smiled.

"Yeah, you know me. A laugh a minute." He forced a smile and Rose squeezed his hand.

"That's why I asked."

The Doctor laughed and then sobered, "Rose, get back to the TARDIS."

"What? Why?"

"Buffy, is there trouble?" The speaker was a redhead. She was one of four that arrived as a group.

The Doctor fell back a step and turned to speak quietly with Rose. "There's power there, dark power." A man in a three piece suit panted his way up to the blonde slayer. The Doctor stared, blinked and looked again. "No, no, no. no

"You're all out of shape, Watcher." Spike trotted up behind, occasionally darting a look left and right.

"Oh my god," Rose whispered. "It's him. I thought we killed him."

"So did I. Finch! Krillitane!" The Doctor commanded and the entire group looked at him.

The group all looked at him and began to shuffle uneasily about.

"Buffy, who's your friend?" A young man smiled at Rose and the Doctor's frown increased.

"Oh, gang, this is The Doctor and Rose. This is Willow, Tara, Xander, Anya, and Giles." She pointed to each in turn.

"Doctor who?" Xander said, then laughed. "I made a British funny."

"I dunno about that, wanker," Spike muttered as he lit another cigarette. "You owe me, pet."

"I'll pay you when I get back home," Buffy muttered.

The Doctor, his long coat clenching at his ankles, walked up to Finch. "I gave you one warning."

"I beg your pardon."

"Leave this planet – you and your people."

"What on earth are you talking about?" Finch pulled off his glasses and began to polish them.

"This is my watcher, Rupert Giles, not any bird thing," Buffy said, taking a step in front of the group, its appointed leader.

"I see and how long have you known him?"

"Since I was a freshman in high school. He is the one who trains me."

"Two of them?" Rose whispered. "Is that even possible?"

"Two of them, what, pet?" Spike was suddenly beside her and Rose jumped. "Listen, if there's money involved in this, I'm on your side."

"Spike!" The redhead shouted.

"Sorry, luv, but this nickel and dime stuff is killing me."

"He has been the same since he was fixed," Willow, the redhead, said by way of an apology.

"Oi!"

"Sorry. Neutered…" At Spike's snarl she smiled apologetically at him. "Sorry, um snipped?"

"When I get this chip out, you are the first one I'm biting," Spike snapped and stalked away from the group.

"They came in that box." Buffy pointed to the TARDIS. The group looked at it and then back to them.

"How can they see it, Doctor? I thought it was doing its time shifty thing."

"They aren't what they appear, Rose." He'd taken another step back from the group. "None of them… well, except him." He pointed at Xander.

"Hey, take that back… I think."

The Doctor pulled his screwdriver from his jacket and the group visibly reacted. "Oh, no, nothing to worry about. Just a sonic screwdriver."

"I was right!" Xander shouted. "He's a Time Lord!"

"A what now?" Buffy's attention never wavered from the instrument.

"A British TV show, about this guy who travels through time in a blue police call box with his girlfriend." Xander looked puzzled. "I thought it was just something the BBC made up."

"Have you ever known Giles to have that much imagination?" Willow whispered.

"You're right!" Xander stepped away from the group. "So, Man from Gallifrey, what do you want?"

"Don't you mean, Galilee?" Tara murmured.

"Nope, he's from another planet. A planet he destroyed along with his entire race."

Buffy heaved a sigh. "Demons, Hell mouth, vampires, Sunnydale gets them all. Why not aliens?"

"I'm very confused," Finch/Giles murmured.

"Join the group," Rose muttered.

"He's not Krillitane. At least not according to the screwdriver." The Doctor made an adjustment, shook the instrument, and tried again. "I don't know what he is."

A large shape pulled free from the tree line and Rose gave a shout. "Look out!"

"Run!" He grabbed Rose's hand and ran. It seemed like a regenerated lifetime before they arrived at the TARDIS door. They burst through it and the door slammed shut behind them. The Doctor bent over, resting his hands on his knees and panted.

"What was that?"

"I don't know." Taking another breath, he straightened and went back to the door, cracking it open. "They are fighting it."

"I take it back, what are they?"

"I would have to say a very determined group of humans, well, a group of humans and a vampire… well, a group of humans, a vampire and a demon, I think."

"A demon?"

"Reformed according to the readings. They might be slightly off."

Rose laughed nervously. "You think so?"

"Nothing here for us, though."

"So that wasn't a Krillitane?"

The Doctor shut the door and walked to a console. He pushed some buttons, thumped on the top, banged the side, and looked into a view screen. "Not according to the TARDIS and she doesn't make mistakes, do you, my lovely?"

"You keep rubbing it like that and you'll go blind." Rose flopped down in a chair, smiling at the scowl that answered her. "Where to now?"

"Let's go someplace sane. How about to glass moon of Keptus? I understand it is a fair sight when the swallows return."

"I thought that was Capistrano?"

The Doctor laughed and pushed a level. With a grumble and a whine, the TARDIS woke and the police box faded from view.

The noise pulled the focus of the small band of fighters. The demon, now vanquished, lay in a heap.

"What the…?" They watched the box pulse and fade from view. "Will someone please tell me what is going on?" Anya asked, brushing detritus from her skirt.

"I have absolutely no idea," Buffy admitted. "Let's get this one out of sight before sun up. Spike?"

"It'll cost you doubt. Pargally demons don't half stink."

"Will you just help me?" Buffy snapped. She glanced over at Giles who was still staring at the empty spot where the blue box had stood, a dazed expression on his face. "You okay, Giles? He didn't know what he was talking about."

Giles took off his glasses and polished them with his handkerchief. "I'm… I'm fine, Buffy. Don't let me hold you up."

Buffy made a face. "Right… a slayer's job is never done."

She turned just then and missed the small smile that played on Giles's lip.

_Stupid, stupid humans…_ he thought and turned back to his little group. _They are almost as gullible as Time Lords._


End file.
